Monday, September 17, 2007

Divided loyalties

Who gets Daddy's love and affection today. Andie or Allie?
What day is it?
The thing that makes twins so great is also one of the most painful aspects of having them: There's more to love.
There's more to love, and only so many minutes in the day, so you have unfair choices. Who gets time with Daddy today?
Jayden gets his time because, well, he's Jayden. He's the world's most active toddler, and if he doesn't get attention, he gets it anyway by acting out, throwing a fit or opening the glass door to the backyard himself (one of his latest talents) and running out and demanding a swing.
So it comes down to the girls.
Lately I've had to develop a system, where one day is Andie day, another day is Allie day. But there have been days when I literally don't hold one for two days in a row.
Such is life with twins. You aren't parents raising children. You are a single parent raising your own baby. You hold, feed, diaper, clothe, bathe, feed, diaper, feed and diaper the baby and rock her to sleep. Then you ask how the other one did that day.
As a result, I don't feel quite as bonded to either one as I did to Jayden. I love my girls more every day, but I don't feel quite as close to them at four months as I did when Jayden was four months.
Kate's told me the same thing, and she also said at least I have Fridays with Jayden. She said she doesn't feel like she ever gets one-on-one time with him anymore.
We rarely get those moments you remember that make you glad you're a parent. Last night was 8 p.m., the lights were off and it was quiet, save for the clocking ticking in the other room. Andie was slowly drifting off to sleep. Kate rocked Allie in the chair. By default, it was an Andie day.
Andie was looking at me during that peaceful time, just looking at me, and smiling and occasionally cooing. Then her eyes would flutter, and she would crank them back open, look at me again and smile.
She seemed to understand, as I do, that she needed to take advantage of the time together and enjoy as much of it as she could while it lasted.

1 comment:

Craig Cunningham said...

I never really pay any attention to my boys until they can play soccer. Don't burn yourself out early, although I don't have girls so I may not be as qualified to have an opinion.