Dear Jayden, Andie and Allie:
We need to talk.
I've noticed an increase in the pitch, tone and decibel levels of your voices lately. That's not good. Mommy and Daddy are very stressed, tired, irritable people these days. No, it's not because of you. Well, OK, yes, it is. But we love you. No, we do not wish your monster in the closet would eat you, OK? We like having you around.
Here's the thing, though. We, meaning Mommy and Daddy, refer to that voice as "whining." We also like to call it "fussing," "crying" and "OMGWILLYOUPLEASESHUTTHEF---UP?" And whining - we'll just call it that to make it easy on you - stresses us out more than anything.
Seriously. Your diapers full of poop that smells like a dead bird crawled up your ass three years ago? Getting us up from 1-3 a.m. OR sleeping through the night but waking us up at 5 a.m.? Your constant demands for juice, crackers, clothes, shoes, pacifiers? You getting into every tiny, little, odd, packed-away, well-organized thing you can find in the house and stashing it somewhere or just throwing it on the floor? Your messes after every meal that made us wish we had installed a drain in the kitchen so we could just hose off the table, the counters, the floor and your faces with a power wash? No. No No No No No.
Really, it's the whining. And let me give you a hint. Whining is not the way to get attention.
No, really, it's not. No, it's not. NO, IT'S REALLY NOT.
Sigh. I know. You've seen, in glimpses, all those stupid TV shows like The Bachelor, which Mommy watches sometimes, and all those people do is whine for attention. I have to apologize for the example most of us are setting. That's why we prefer for you to watch The Backyardigans, Little Einstein (though little Annie whines a bit too much, too) or Peep, with repeated viewings of Wall-E thrown in there.
Really. Seriously. Whining sucks. We work really hard to fulfill your needs. But there are three of you, and there's someone exactly like you who needs as much attention as you, let alone your slightly older brother. We don't need the whining to let us know you need something.
And now I'll stop because, kids, this post is getting pretty whiny.