Friday, August 04, 2006

Bad Beat Template

P.S. I'm playing in a casino for the second time tonight. Let's hope I don't have to use this.

Take a tough one? Here's my handy-dandy template that you can use for any situation!!!

"You won't believe the:
a) Bad Beat
b) Suckout
c) Rigged shit

that happened to me last night.

I had:
a) Pocket Aces
b) Pocket Kings
c) A,K

and I raised 3x the big blind. I get three callers. This concerns me a little but I
a) Plow through it. I'm a God of poker, after all. How could I lose?
b) Know I can fold when I need to. I'm a God of poker, after all.
c) am a God of poker and know I'm the best, so I move along.

The flop comes A,K,x, and I bet the pot. Two others fold, but the
a) Fucking Donkey
b) Fucking Retard
c) Fucking Idiot

calls me. A x comes on the turn. Naturally, I bet the pot again.
a) Fucking Donkey/Mule/Llama
b) Fucking Retarded retard
c) Fucking Poker rookie

calls me again.

On the river, A x falls. It worries me a bit, because:
a) It could have made the guy a straight.
b) It could have made the guy a flush.
c) He's been calling me down, and that always worries me.

But I push all in, because:

a) The straight would mean he would have been playing x,x, and that's impossible, no one would call a raise with x,x, right?
b) No one would call two pot-sized bets with just a flush-draw, right?
c) I am a Poker god and I always have the best hand when I push in.

The guy calls, and:
a) You'll never guess what the donkey had!
b) It's Enema time!
c) I scream and throw my fourth computer this year out the window.

He had:
a) Quads! He called my pre-flop raise and all the way to the river with x,x and caught his case card on the river!!!
b) A straight! He called my pre-flop raise and all the way to the river with x,x and caught his inside straight on the river!!!
c) A flush! He called my pre-flop raise with x,x and all the way to the river with my pot-sized bets with x,x because it was soooted!!!

I was so pissed I
a) Raked the guy over the coals in the chat box for 25 minutes.
b) Killed the dog/cat/small children.
c) Went for a long drive with Slayer in the tape deck.

a) Hate poker.
b) Am gonna start entering Scrabble tournaments
c) Will try again tonight to win my money back, and I'm gonna have to keep pushing all in because I am a God of poker

By the way, can I:
a) Borrow $20 for tonight?
b) Borrow your car and put it on E-bay to sell it?
c) Use your wife as a hooker so I can pimp her and get my money back?

(Not recommended for Seven-Card Stud, Omaha or Five-Card Draw. Do not use frequently as your friends may hate you. May cause drowsiness, erectile disfunction or lose of appetite. Women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant should not listen to these stories. If you use this for more than a few days tell your doctor, as serious side effects or dependency may develop).

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