Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Help, I need someone

A couple hours after this time Thursday, the wife (not The Wife, Kate) will be leaving on a Jet Plane to head to Vegas with her parents and a friend.
Fortunately I do know when she'll be back again.
Unfortunately it will not be until Sunday.
Now before you pipe up about my two trips out there without her, yeah, I KNOW. That's why she's going.
Still, it leaves me with twins under 2 and a toddler under 4 from Thursday until Sunday.
It won't be terrible since I work Thursday and will only have Jayden for a while Friday. But Friday night the fun begins.
I have run or worked out every day for two weeks, pretended that my soft, soft pillow is really a club with spikes and am mentally preparing for the fact that I may not see much of the Final Four.
Kate's stated goal for me this weekend: "Just keep all three kids alive."
That's probably not a goal where 66 percent would be considered good. So let's crank up the comments, folks. I have a few questions:

1. What fun kid stuff can I make and serve for dinner? I can cook, don't you worry, but I'd like something other than Hamburger Helper (which will be served one night, Cheeseburger Mac is pretty damn good).
2. What fun kid stuff can we do together, besides go to the Mall play area (which we will hit up Saturday, don't you worry)?
Inevitably the thing I hate most about taking care of all three of them is I put out more fires and prevent them from killing themselves more than really spend quality time and have fun. So I'm trying to do a little prevention.
3. What should I tell them when they ask for Mommy? That she left to join a radical movement bent on saving the Polar Bear? That she needed a break because you all were driving her nuts? That she went to go play with her friends? What will a child that young understand?
4. What prescription drugs would you recommend so I can survive the weekend?


jjok said...

Wifey is doing a walk for Breast's a marathon and a half that will go from Saturday morning early until Sunday afternoon, with her staying at her brothers Saturday night. Plus she's bolting Friday afternoon for a conference before.

So I've got three 5yo's and a 21 month old to contend with.

Quit yer bitching......hahhahaha

Jennifer said...

Well, I don't have kids, so I'm not sure what you can do with them except put on mind-numbing DVD's. But as for you, I can suggest xanax, which is helping me through some dental work these days. Am I comparing taking care of kids to dental work? Maybe. :)

Riggstad said...

As the father of 4, and usually with them alone at least some part of most weekends, I suggest:

Buy a dvd player that loops.

Cars, Wall-e, Beauty and the beast, etc., will usually keep their attention for the better part of 3 loops. That's almost 6 hours.


Chic-fil-a has a rockin play area. The other moms are super hot as well so you have the added benefit of cruisin' the MILFS. I usually tell them my wife died a year ago and I am a single father. Depends on how HUGE their tits are.

Chic fil a is closed on sundays so BurgerKing fills in

Pawn off: Play dates are rockin'!

There is usually no shortage of mothers who would take your kids for the day, as long as they all play together and give that parent a little help in "watching" her own kids.

MeMa and Pop Pop: Your own parents, or brothers or sisters will probably jump at the chance to help out. This gives you some sweet breathing room. I always tell them that I'll be like 2 hours. Then disappear for 8. "sorry, I got all jammed up".

All else fails.... Load 'em up with twizzlers early. It'll keep them occupied and quiet while they stuff their faces. Come 3pm in the afternoon, they are sound asleep from the sugar crash, and usually stay asleep for a good hot while.

Proper parenting techniques for the single dad!

Good Luck!

OhCaptain said...

1. Homemade pizza. Let the kids decorate it. Takes ample time, kids love to get their fingers in the food and there's no way to screw it up. OhCountess works every other weekend, she's home in the evening, but after working a 14 hour day...I know what you are talking about.

2. I take the kids on hikes in local nature preserves. For the little ones, use that fancy athletic stroller. 2 year olds usually like to walk for about 50'. Plus the stroller can carry the picnic foods. Finger foods are easy.

I like to cook with the kids. Kills so many birds with one stone.

The kids will be less likely to kill each other if they are busy. The nature centers around here usually have hands on kids programs.

3. When the kids ask me about Mom, I we've usually told them the truth and if need be, take the time to learn about calendars and clocks as a reminder. Perspective really helps. And it's not their fault mom left. let's keep the kids out of therapy for a while :-)

4. I do usually have a really nice beer waiting for me at the end of the day, but if I've done my job correctly, I'm exhausted and never finish it.

Hope this helps! (BTW - Have fun!)

BadBlood said...

Everyone who's replied is dead wrong.

First, as soon as the wife leaves, take all the kids to lunch at Hooters.

Impress one of the better looking waitresses such that she free volunteers to help babysit.

Take her home (leave her working clothes on) and have her tend to the kids and bring you a beer every 30 minutes while YOU watch a DVD, not the kids.

When the kids ask where Mommy is, point to the big-breasted blonde, and say, this is your new Mommy.



The Wife said...

1. Pancakes. Rotisserie chicken from the store. Cereal. Cereal is always appropriate. And fortified with vitamins and minerals.

2. Nature walk is good. Swimming or water play. Water is fun, and tiring for some reason. Make tents or forts in the house.

3. All they need to know is Mommy is home Sunday. Show them sunday on the calendar. Let them mark days. Mommy will be home Sunday. Say it with me. Mommy will be home Sunday.

4. Benadryl for them. Alcohol for you. After the benedryl for them.

Good luck, my friend. You are strong. Wish The Wife were going to Vegas too . . .

The Wife (THE Wife . . . not your wife . . . though I suppose everything is negotiable)

Krissy said...

your post is up on HDYDI

Thanks a million! And good luck this weekend...I am leaving my husband in charge for the weekend as well!

twinsmomma said...

Bless you! My husband is wonderful about watching our twins...but I can guarantee there will not be any real cooking involved when he's in charge...hence why my kids now can recognize places by the fact that they serve fries! :) You need to have another guy friend come over with his kids can all play together, and you at least get some adult time too...and a big beer at the end of the day for sure!

cindilicious said...

I wish I had read this post earlier, so it would actually have been of some use but write this down and use it next time.
Build a fort. Use kitchen table or a folding card table, whatever you have, and drape blankets over it. Bring the pillows from the bed. Provide non-messy finger foods, like Goldfish. The kids will occupy themselves dragging every damn thing from their rooms into the fort (which yes, YOU will have to put back)but it will kill some time and it's fun. Take pictures. You're welcome.