Nothing probably reflects my personality more than my closet.
Most of it is filled with bland, conservative shirts, the kind you buy at Kohl's (40 percent off). You'll find T-shirts from my races, a bunch of 14ers T-shirts and a couple snarky T-shirts with a poker saying or maybe something clever from Las Vegas (what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas, chortle chortle chortle).
There are a few black concert T-shirts from the glory days.
And so I ask you.
Poison comes to town Saturday night at the Greeley Stampede.
What the hell do I wear?
I could wear said concert T-shirts, except I really only have Iron Maiden and Metallica, and I have a feeling that might scare some Poison fans. And my Def Leppard Hysteria shirt, something for the masses, is pretty ratted out by now. In fact I think it's gone.
Plus I don't want to be that guy. You know, the guy who wears concert T-shirts to concerts just to prove how many concerts he's been to. I usually am that guy.
I don't want to be that guy Saturday.
I cant' really wear one of those slightly outdoorsy, Kohls shirts can I? (Columbia, the brand of the Colorado sorta-but-not-really hip adventurers. You can wear it at work AND on a 14er!). Won't that be out of place at a Poison concert? I realize most of the audience will consist of people just like me, 30-plus guys who listen to too much Arena Rock in an attempt to relive the glory days of copping a feel in a parents' basement while Whitesnake warned us about the Still of the Night. Most of those guys, usually saddled with young children (probably not 1-year-old twins, but you never know), dress like me. So maybe I'm safe.
But how boring. This is a metal concert! Well, sorta a metal concert! I should let my hair down! (If I had any left from my mullet days).
I have no leather tops, leather pants or leather boots. I have no snakeskin vests.
I got nothin'.
So what would you wear? Semi-hip-but-not-really Kohl's outfit? Black concert T-shirt? Snarky T-Shirt? One of my Rainforest, nice, Vegas shirts that sorta looks like a bowling shirt?
I need some fashion advice.