Devil Inside

There are times when I feel like I'm two people.
And that's not just because my time is being divided up like tiny pieces of quiche (ham, cheese, sausage, yum), thanks to two increasingly cute little girls who unfortunately have decided that any time outside their parents' arms sucks. And there's only so long I can wear one of those Bjorn pouches without feeling completely emasculated.
And Harry Potter still remains near, but not to, the end. In fact, a basket of laundry has remained unfolded for three days. It would take me 10 minutes to do it. I have not had that 10 minutes available to me. I also haven't blogged much lately. Thanks for noticing. Oh and I have a Pokerworks article to do soon here. Have I done it yet? I have not. Poker? Ha. One short session a few days ago; it was profitable, but just barely after a stupid push in a CASH game with TPTK.
Further proof that all that crying and all those demands have punctured my brain like swiss cheese came when I wanted to slime the tires of our jogging stroller so Jayden and I can continue to go for short runs and walks around the hood. A goat head punctured one of the tires, and if you've never run into a goat head, it's a small weed that releases seeds with the sharpness and size of a Ninja Star. So I'm sliming the tires, and part of the fun is unscrewing the "core" out of the valve.
Of course, I was doing this on our deck, and the "core," about the size of the top of a ballpoint pen, falls off the screw and rolls into the cracks of the deck and down into a dirty grave.
Sigh.
I make a brief attempt to crawl under our deck, but the only person who can fit under there is Jayden, and I consider it for a second before realizing that sending a toddler into a confined space without the ability to follow clear instructions would probably not earn me Father of the Year.
So I think. Ouch. Then I feed a twin, and inspiration actually strikes, as maybe the fussing jars a nerve ending in the cortex or something. I have a long steel rod I use to clean my trombone. I have chewing gum. I have a glue gun that I can coat said gum to make it extra sticky.
It takes a good half hour, but I rig the contraption up and manage to snag the small silver piece. Triumph! I am a genius!
And then I wash the gum off the rod.
And the silver piece disappears.
I am not a genius.
Fighting the urge to throw Jayden's high chair through our kitchen window, I retrace my steps. Nothing. Did Jayden take it? I wonder but I do not accuse. Did the twins take it? No, they are 10 weeks old. OK.
I finally remember the sink. Ah ha! I fish around the drain and pull out several disgusting things before my finger grazes across a piece of silver. It could be. It might be. It is!
I quickly screw the silver piece back into the stroller's air valve and finish up with the stroller.
Now, all this time, my second person was shouting at me to destroy things, throw something, maybe kick the dog or something. I ignored it, of course. But why does that second person even exist?
Why, for instance, would my voice ring through my head as I was running a 10K race Saturday? Why would it tell me to slow down? Why would it, in fact, even urge me to stop and walk?
Yes, I was uncomfortable, even miserable at times, but that's part of the pain of running these races. I wanted to run in 48 minutes, about a 7:45 pace, and I was accomplishing this, but all the while, that little voice spoke to me, telling me to stop, to quit, it's OK, just walk for a minute to catch your breath.
Why? Isn't that good for me?
Look, sometimes that little voice is a good thing. It's saved me a LOT of money on the poker tables when all I want to do is be a little aggro maniac (those of you who know my play will laugh at this, but now you know how effective that voice is). That little voice makes sure I don't eat a carton of ice cream every night or do something stupid like yell at my kids when all they want is my attention. It pushes me, ironically, to go for a run when it's cold or raining or hot, and it gets me up in the middle of the night when the girls are crying for food (well, that and my wife, a master at the push-push-until-he's-awake shove).
But sometimes that voice can be evil, so damn evil. It also urges me to push my chips in the middle with a hand like TPTK and eat what I want and to yell at my family.
It's not an angel on one side and a demon on the other. I'll never be an angel, but thoughts of, say, serial killing aren't in my blood either. But Friday, when I climb Longs Peak, a monster that will put me on the trail at 1 a.m. and probably take me 14 hours to complete, for the 15th time, I'm pretty certain at times I'll have to silence the Devil inside.

Deposit dilemma

Is there any of youse poker players out there who still deposit to sites to take advantage of those juicy reload and deposit bonus offers that float my way?

How are you doing that exactly? I've heard rumors of a Visa card at Walgreens, but does that really work?

If any of you are stopping by anymore, tips would be great.

I really interested in the bonus. I don't have to reload. But then again, if yet another downturn that I'm currently enjoying continues, maybe I'll need to do exactly that.

The kids are gone for a couple of days as Kate went down to her parents, and yet I still can't really enjoy it. I'm working late tonight, getting up early tommorow to mow what was once my lawn and now looks like something Lewis and Clark hacked through on their way to the Old West, and then I'm getting the house ready for Dad and his family, who are all coming down to peek at the newest additions to the Pokerpeaker clan. They will hold them too.
In our house, holding a baby is not only encouraged, it's required. Why evolution hasn't created a second pair of arms for parents of twin infants I'll never know.

Choosing between two pop culture phenoms

When you have a toddler and twins whose cuteness factor seems to be multiplying daily as they continue to not only figure out how to smile but use it liberally and especially when Daddy is around (they already are manipulating me), you have to make choices with that hour or so of free time you're granted daily.
Assuming you've already worked out, and you can't go climbing, given that that takes much longer than an hour and the wife already let you guide a trip Saturday that netted you around $450 as well as a calm soul (see photos below), let's look at our options.


Poker: After a hot spell, the suckout bug has returned, along with a few set over sets, which sure feels like a suckout. Finally, last night I flop a set of 4s, take it to the streets just like the Doobie Brothers, and a 5 falls on the river. When the guy pushes on my pot-sized bet, I push for my last scrap of chips, and he waits, and waits, and waits, until he finally calls.
And shows 5,5.
Presto is gold, indeed. Presto sucks.
He then types in LOL in the chat box and says "I wanted to enjoy it."
So the fucker — oops, I may have just blown my G rating — was slowrolling me after hitting his 4 percent chance of winning.
There have been maybe three times I've wanted to crawl through the computer screen and force feed those chips down a throat, maybe with a little salsa or dirty cigarette butts.
Make it four after last night.

Harry Potter: A terrific series that actually got better as the hype increased. I'm not sure I can say that about many other pop culture moments. The new "Star Wars" series failed miserably, with only the third installment worth much, and the third "Matrix" was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The Beatles? Sure, but that was a long time ago. "The Simpsons" did, for a time, until Season 10 got here.
But Harry Potter is truly brilliant, a series that started out as a kid's fantasy world and became a book for adults, maybe even more than children.
Oh, lookie here, the last installment arrived in my mailbox yesterday.

The decision really isn't that hard, actually. Apparently after some posted success I can't drive 55, but I can treat myself to finally finding out whether Harry lives or dies.

Scenes from a guided Grays and Torreys

I've got some shots from my Grays and Torreys hike Saturday. I had to push them pretty hard because of the potential storms and they responded really well. Grays and Torreys are two extremely popular 14ers in Colorado. The storms eventually did come, but we were in the van, heading home, when they struck.

Presto is Gold (part 783, 784 and -3) and I'm rated G???

I could NOT resist this:
(This happened during my nightly three-tabling $25 NL on Ultimate Bet while a twin was in my lap, which isn't nearly as hot as it sounds)

XZONIX is at seat 0 with $22.88.
antlion is at seat 1 with $19.84.
pokertoker_3 is at seat 2 with $17.46.
luck4butch is at seat 3 with $3.90.
pokerpeaker is at seat 4 with $31.04.
feint06 is at seat 5 with $24.13.
Hoyle715 is at seat 6 with $8.79.
tidefan93 is at seat 7 with $21.61.
hawkeyetim is at seat 8 with $23.24 (sitting out).
gnvoewi is at seat 9 with $13.88.
The button is at seat 7.

gnvoewi posts the small blind of $.10.
XZONIX posts the big blind of $.25.

XZONIX: -- --
antlion: -- --
pokertoker_3: -- --
luck4butch: -- --
POKERPEAKER: 5s 5h (who-hoo! Presto!)
feint06: -- --
Hoyle715: -- --
tidefan93: -- --
gnvoewi: -- --

Pre-flop:

pokertoker_3 calls. luck4butch
folds. pokerpeaker calls. feint06 folds. Hoyle715
folds. tidefan93 calls. gnvoewi calls. XZONIX
checks.

Flop (board: 4d 9s 4h):

gnvoewi checks. XZONIX checks. pokertoker_3 bets
$.25.
pokerpeaker calls (I'm not going anywhere for .25 cents. It's Presto and I may still have the best hand).
tidefan93 calls.
XZONIX calls.

Turn (board: 4d 9s 4h 5d) (Gin! Bingo! I knew it!):

XZONIX checks.
pokertoker_3 bets $.25.
pokerpeaker calls (I'm taking this to the bank, so I'll just smooth call here and see what develops; I have a feeling one of them has a big hand).
XZONIX raises to $3.25 (Sweet, I was right)
pokertoker_3 goes all-in for $16.96 (Wow, really? No preflop raise. I'm guessing set over set here; if that's the case so be it, I ain't folding)
pokerpeaker goes all-in for $30.54 (So I push; the guy raised into a multi-way, I don't think he's going anywhere).
XZONIX goes all-in for $22.38 (OK, one must have a set, the other must have three of a kind).

River (board: 4d 9s 4h 5d 6c):

Showdown:

pokerpeaker has 5s 5h 4d 4h 5d: full house, fives full of fours (Of course, Presto is Gold!)
XZONIX has 4c 9c 4d 9s 4h: full house, fours full of nines (ouch, he flopped a full house and was probably counting his chips when he pushed).
pokertoker_3 has Ac 4s 4d 9s 4h: three fours (A bet and a raise here. He must have hoped I didn't have much and figured his kicker was good. I would have called the raise and then folded when I pushed; someone obviously had a full there).

$2.54 is raked from a total pot of $63.97.
pokerpeaker wins the main pot $51.01 with full house, fives full of fours.
pokerpeaker wins the side pot $10.42 with full house, fives full of fours.


Part 784:


Callmedonkey2 is at seat 0 with $14.32.
Imar1 is at seat 1 with $26.40.
lizardaces is at seat 2 with $20.
jonnymobs is at seat 3 with $7.45.
JRA 05 is at seat 4 with $10.79.
mthl2401 is at seat 5 with $17.84.
IrishShark912 is at seat 6 with $18.75.
diamondlukey is at seat 7 with $15.63 (sitting out).
ark623 is at seat 8 with $15.91.
pokerpeaker is at seat 9 with $27.03.
The button is at seat 5.

IrishShark912 posts the small blind of $.10.
ark623 posts the big blind of $.25.
lizardaces posts out of turn for $.25.

Callmedonkey2: -- --
Imar1: -- --
lizardaces: -- --
jonnymobs: -- --
JRA 05: -- --
mthl2401: -- --
IrishShark912: -- --
ark623: -- --
pokerpeaker: 5d 5s

Pre-flop:

pokerpeaker calls (slowplay my monster)
lizardaces checks.
JRA 0 calls.
IrishShark912 raises to $1.50 (this guy earlier donked off a buy-in-and-a-half with A,K on a complete bluff and then bitched to the guy for five minutes who had a set of 10s. "How could you call that on that board?")
pokerpeaker calls (of course I"m calling here, I have Presto)
lizardaces folds. JRA 05 folds.

Flop (board: 4s Js Td):

IrishShark912 checks.
pokerpeaker checks (if he follows up with a bet I fold, but he gives me a free card, so I'll take it)

Turn (board: 4s Js Td 5c) (Presto!)

IrishShark912 checks.
pokerpeaker bets $.90 (He raised pre-flop, I hope he has something, plus I need to build a pot here)
IrishShark912 goes all-in for $17.25 (I guess he has something - I'm guessing AA since he's a fool and thought he could slowplay it. I have no idea why he's pushing so much for so little but I"m not folding here).
pokerpeaker calls.

River (board: 4s Js Td 5c 8c):

Showdown:

IrishShark912 has Kd Qh Js Td 8c: king high. (Um....nice play. Sorry you didn't hit your 8-outer. I"m amazed you didn't)
pokerpeaker has 5d 5s Js Td 5c: three fives.


$1.52 is raked from a pot of $38.25.
pokerpeaker wins $36.73 with three fives.



BUT Presto can also work against you. A guy flopped a set of Presto against me later that night on a TPTK board with A,Q...it was top pair so I only lost a 1/4th of a buy-in to it. And a guy pushed into my top two pair, A,K, with Presto and hit his four-flush on the river when he runner-runnered me. Presto is a bitch and a beautiful whore at the same time).



I've been on a good run lately, which is nice considering I've been mostly either treading water or making dog-paddle-like progress for three months.

* * *

Oh, check this out:




Jesus. This tells me one of three things:
• This isn't foolproof. I do throw out the occasional fuck and shit. See?
• I've been writing about my kids WAY too much.
• Poker is a wholesome family activity, and our politicans totally missed the boat.

I vote for number three.



P.S. Congrats to Jerry Yang for winning the WSOP Main Event. He's the opposite of Jamie Gold, and that's exactly what the poker world needs right now. Yeah, this family man who talked about donating to charity, has a strong faith in God and wanted to use the money for his kids' education seems exactly like the degenerate gambler our special leaders were trying to target when they approved the online ban.

Wordless Wednesday

Hard landing, softer heart

Thunk.
That was, in an instant, the sound of my stomach hitting my ankles and the sound of Andie, wrapped up in her swaddler, face down on the hardwood floor, a foot or two below the couch where I had placed her a moment ago.
Her desperate, shaken screams, complete with virgin tears, still make me sick as I write this Sunday, a day later.
In a moment's grace, a grace that I would like to think shadows thoughtful parents (but I know better), Andie escaped unharmed, for the most part, except for a bruise on her temple.
It's the third time in my life as a parent I've gotten away with what you could either call a mistake or carelessness, depending on your mood. I think it's probably between the two.
Jayden once rolled off the changing table and into his PacNPlay as I answered the phone , and another time he rolled all the way down a flight of carpeted stairs when I forgot to replace the baby gate. He was frightened but otherwise OK, and I now have three, instead of two, scars on my heart after Andie's tumble.
All three times, including Saturday, came at a time when I was overstressed from day-long cries, bottles, diapers and millions of other bits of things to do.
And every time, in my stress and a little burnt-out weariness and frustration, I forgot that I was taking care of fragile babies and not, say, my lawn out back that I would have to cut later.
Of course that doesn't mean I treated them harshly. Far from it. But it did mean my vigilance was less than what it should be. It was, in fact, downright poor, until...
Thunk.
That was, a second later, the sound of my brain hitting my skull, after Andie's pain seeped into me and I pounded my head with my hand. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
There, there, I said to her, and she looked at me, tears in her eyes, afraid and hurt and, I think, a little worry. She trusted me, and I let her down. Daddies do that sometimes. That's a lesson she had to learn at too early an age.
I don't know why I need painful reminders such as this one that they come first, and that they are worth more than any thing you may not get to that day, and that, most of all, you are lucky to have them because at any moment, a thunk can take them away from you.
I am now out of my funk of the last couple of weeks, and I'm sorry for all the bitching and whining. This blog is supposed to be cathartic for me, too, but after a while, I'm sure, it got a little old.
I had a great run today, a 6-mile, fast-paced jog, partly because I'm at peace for the moment.
Everything in my life is hard, I realize, and I prefer it that way. Writing, what I do for a living, is tough, and reporting, at times, is even harder. I climb mountains and run races and play a frustrating card game for fun. I spent whole summers chasing down the state's 54 14ers until I climbed them all. I keep this blog going and spend hours on home movies for my kids rather than settle for something simple with the video camera. I have perhaps the world's most energetic toddler. I also, as my wife will tell you, occasionally have a difficult personality.
And so yes, right now, my family life is hard, but one thunk, and it's not only just a part of my life, it is my life.
Karma came later as I played poker, with Andie asleep on my shoulder, snuggled next to ear. After some success early on in the cash game, and after a week of progress, I was dealt QQ, raised it up and got two calls.
A Q came on the flop, with no draws out there, so I checked, and got a couple bets. I bet the pot, about $12, on the turn, when an 8 came, and I got a call. On the river, another 8 came, and I was more than happy to call his all-in raise after my bet.
Until he showed 8,8.
Strangely enough, that didn't burn a hole in my heart, as it normally would.
It had taken enough hits that day.

Two bright lights in a dark tunnel

First:


The twins slept through the night last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They went down at 10 p.m. and did not wake up until 5 a.m.
Who-hoo!
Of course, they were AWAKE at 5 a.m. We both got smiled at several times (which is very cute but it means HI MOM AND DAD I'M AWAKE AND DON'T THINK I'M GOING BACK DOWN ANYTIME SOON). So we may actually be getting less sleep. But, hey, victories are victories.


Second:
We need your help.

No, you don't have to change a diaper.


We are going to Vegas in October. We have found that the Imperial Palace offers the best deal on the strip. Any suggestions on finding good deals? And is the IP an OK place to stay? I mean no cockroaches right? At least none that would eat us?


Please offer your suggestions below soon. :)



P.S. WHAT A COOL main event so far. Lots of good pros left and no real dochebags (i.e. Gold) so far that I can tell.

Am I doing enough?

So now my seven-layer dip of emotions (mmmm, seven-layer dip) includes exhaustion, weariness, frustration.
I've now decided to top it off with doubt, guilt and black olives.
Wait. Scratch the black olives. That's my other seven-layer dip.
Kate said today that the twins were developing a bit of a flat spot in the back of their heads. That of course told me two things today.
One is they are spending too much time in their carriers. We put them there to help them with their acid reflux problem.
The second is they are being put down too much.
Both sparked feelings of guilt and doubt. And black olives.
The first made me think we are seperating them too much and that they will lose that bond that twins are supposed to develop, making life a tad bit easier later when they entertain each other all the time.
The second made me think we're not spending enough time with them.
I'm struggling with coming home from a long day at work and having to hit the ground running. I'm struggling with not getting enough rest. I'm quite frankly just plain burnt out from having to hold a baby all the time and never, ever, ever, it seems, getting a moment's peace, when they're both asleep and I can do whatever I want, even play poker without a baby on my lap.
Yet I also worry that I'm not doing enough. I don't talk to them enough, I don't play with them enough, and I don't spend enough time with Jayden either. He's still not really talking much, and he's 2. Yes, he can say many words, but he can't put them together, and I blame myself for that, given that I don't read to him much. I always have a baby to tend to, after all.
The babies are smiling now - and that helps A TON — and yet they don't smile a lot, and when they are awake and happy, like this morning, I needed to get ready for work and couldn't take advantage of it.
Divided loyalities weren't a problem with Jayden, but these days, I feel like a pie that's being divided and devoured, and yet, at the end, no one is satisfied.

P.S. Did anyone else catch ESPN's WSOP coverage last night? It's cool that the station is turning around matches so quickly, but in the beginning, the graphics were so crappy that half the hole cards were chopped from the screen. Then about a quarter of a way into it, they were suddenly fixed.
What, you had to turn it around so quickly that you couldn't fix your graphics?

It's all relative

So you're four-handed in a home tournament. After the lightning-fast blinds have reduced your once-powerful stack to an M of 3, the blinds go up again, and you now have enough for exactly the big blind and the small blind.
You have 10-6 os and the two big stacks at the table call.
You check and the flop misses you like you, the father of twins, miss sleeping in past 6 a.m.
(Yes, you have twins now. Congratulations! Man, these poker scenarios can get crazy sometimes, eh?)
And so what did I do when the big stacks checked?
What would you do?
• • •
I am not tired in the tired sense.
I am not exhausted.
I am, in fact, wrung out.
I feel the way Westley (played expertly by Cary Elwes, who would later give one of the worst horror movie overacting jobs of all time in "Saw") must have felt after Prince Humperdinck turned the life sucker up to 11.
I ran almost six miles today, and while it felt good, I've realized now that I am far from out of shape. That's a different feeling. I simply am just wrung out. Jayden, for instance, today dogpiled me and laughed and jumped around and probably could have done that for five hours.
I, on the other hand, could not.
It's not just the lack of sleep, although I'm sure that's part of it. It's a complete change in my lifestyle.
I am now getting up at 6 a.m., and even when Jayden was around, I would laugh at 6 a.m. Now I do not laugh. I cringe, I cry and I cower, but I do not laugh. Then I get up.
Part of me does like the fact that it's 9:45 a.m. and I've already accomplished a lot, such as giving a twin a bottle, running, playing with Jayden, changing a diaper, showering, changing a diaper and giving a twin a bottle.
Part of me does not like this fact.
The hard thing about parenting is you know this is not something you work through, like a bad streak in poker. This is every day, baby, even on the weekends.
Pray for me.
That's why these poker tournaments are So.Much.Fun.
I've become friends with a fellow Boot Camp for New Dads instructor, and in the last year he's invited me to his group poker tournaments. So I've gotten to know a lot of the players too. They're a great bunch. Plus they can all kinda play.
So when he invited me to this next game, I said no, unless I could bring the twins.
Bring 'em, he said.
We got a sitter for Jayden and Kate and I carted the girls off. I have to admit, I felt funny bringing two little babies to an adult BBQ, but they were a hit. It was like Show-and-Tell.
We had some steak, some good conversation and I sent Kate home for a couple hours with some worn-out (and a bit overstimulated) girls.
Then we played some poker
• • •
My only complaint about the poker is the fact that the blinds are 12 minutes. Now I understand why. These people are here to have fun, not win a WSOP bracelet, and generally playing one game with 60-minute blinds isn't much fun because they aren't serious poker players.
If they have a bad game, meaning if they "don't catch cards" the first time, there's always another game.
Fortunately, I flopped two pair with K,Q and then dealt myself A-A. I got two callers on my sizable raise (you'd better raise a lot with these people or else you'll get as many callers as a 2-4 limit casino game) and they folded to my bet on the turn, so I had a decent enough stack heading into the final table.
And this brings me to my point.
It's a simple strategy point, and probably one you turbo token players are familiar with.
I check/folded that hand up above when a blank on the turn hit, leaving me just enough for the small blind.
And why did I do that?
A tiny, tiny stack was two places down.
My relative M was pretty good.
In the past I have paid too much attention to my M without considering the other stack sizes at the table. I began to pay attention stack sizes and figuring out my relative Ms once I began playing these live, fast-paced tournaments with my new friends.
A relative M is how many blind postings you can survive compared to the other short stacks at the table.
You aren't going to have a lot of monster Ms when the blinds are so big, so fast and the players are decent but not that great. Generally what happens is one luckbox usually swallows most of the chips, leaving everyone else gasping for air when the blinds hit 100/200, as they do 48 minutes into live play. You won't even make it around the table once before the blinds raise, in other words.
My goal in these things is to win first, but it's to make the money second. Last night, as one luckbox began munching most of the chips, I knew it would be tough to win. But I also knew I could make the money.
So after that A-A, I played, maybe, three hands. I got nothing worth playing, and I was fine with my chip stack. I did get K,Q in early position at the final table, but I pitched it, rightly. I got a walk in the big blind once, and my only "move" was jamming on the small blind with K,10, but it was folded to me and K,10 is favored against a random hand, so it really was a good play. He folded.
So I didn't jam with my hand, given that it would have only been a bit more to call for the two huge stacks, and the tiny stack, instead of me, would have taken third, a significant jump in the prize money.
As it stood, I got 10,7 suited in the small blind, and it held against the big stack. Later my A,7 lost to a K on the river, but I got third when the tiny stack went in and lost too.
Relative Ms, I believe, are more important than your actual M when you're in a fast-paced tournament. If you can survive at least two more rounds than at least two other players, make sure you're hand is a good one before you shove.
It's a weak way to play poker. But it also is a winning one.

Happy Fourth of July

After yesterday's post about how hard it is (see below) to raise twins — and it's wearing me down more than I thought, I ran 23:35 in the Race for the Cure 5K today, my worst time in two years — there is some joy to it, too. As we see here, the first time we've been able to dress them in anything other than their premie onesies.

Happy Fourth of July.

All by ourselves

Kate called me at 4 p.m. today through tears.
"Your Mom just left," she said, and then the phone line went silent and all I heard huffs and sniffs.
Mom was our lifeline for a month, giving us what I liked to call Twins protection.
If Jayden was begging to go outside in that wonderful, paitent way toddlers are known for, Mom could take a baby or take him out back, and all was well.
If Andie was crying and Allie was throwing her usual "I want to be held" snit in that wonderful, paitent way infants are known for, Mom could take Andie or Allie and all was well.
If it was 7 p.m., Kate could go to bed, and I could battle the twins with Mom and two bottles. If it was 5:45 a.m., I could sleep in, and Kate could battle the twins with Mom and two bottles.
And all was well.
Now she's gone.
And we're alone together.
This comes at a time when the newborn stage is wearing me down like an old man's dentures. If they weren't smiling now just a little at a time - which is crack to a parent of a newborn, as it's sometimes the only thing that keeps you going - I think I would be going beserk.
Last night, I got home at 5:45 p.m. and found out Jayden hadn't been fed yet and was hungry. Mom and Kate were both feeding babies. This is one hard thing about my household right now is not only does Kate need me to hit home running and ready to corral chaos, she demands it, like I have no right to want to relax for 10 minutes because I got to spend the whole day at work. And honestly? I don't blame her.
So after all that, I ate takeout Chinese, fed Jayden, got him into the tub, got him into bed at 7:30 p.m. and I need to put together another tournament wrap-up for Pokerworks. Time to get a little work done, right?
Nah.
Andie cries, and then Allie cries, and then Jayden cries, and then Andie cries. Kate's upstairs taking her well-deserved bath and getting ready for some well-deserved sleep. Andie calms down when Mom takes her outside.
I start to write again.
And then:
• Allie cries from her carrier.
• I put the pacifier back in her mouth for the 83rd time that night.
• It falls out. She cries again.
• I pick her up and take her back with me. I lay her on my lap all snuggled up in the corner of the couch. She's in her blanket. She's smiling. She's happy.
• Five minutes later, Allie's not happy.
• I switch position after position. Allie's not happy.
• Kate takes her for a few minutes and I try to write. I write some.
• Kate gets the bottles together and goes to bed.
• Mom feeds Andie and mumbles something about a bath and bed. I pray Andie stays down.
• Allie cries again.
• I pick her up, walk her around and wrap her like a Tootsie Roll.
• 45 minutes later, she goes to sleep.
• I finish the story.
• It's 11 p.m.
A little poker — there's no way I can go to bed after that — and I crash.
• Babies are up at 2:45 a.m.
I get Allie again. I look down and notice a chunkier face and a bit happier disposition.
The newborn stage doesn't last forever. It's replaced by cherub and smiles and maybe even a little cooing.
Then why does the bridge to that stage seem miles away?

Pictures are worth more

Highlights of the lasr few days: