I have demons. Some might laugh at that. Most probably would.
My demons don't have anything to do with gambling - I have yet to touch a table game in Vegas. I rarely drink too much - I was barely buzzed during last December's gathering. And I've never done drugs, except for a bit of pot, and that was years ago and was never, ever even remotely a problem.
No, my demons come from that little person inside that whispers to me whenever I do something like attend a gathering of bloggers.
"You know," the person whispers, "what makes you think you'll fit in?"
I can climb any mountain in Colorado, run a half marathon or ski a black diamond (sometimes, not very well), but going out to see a group of people still scares me.
I'm booked for my December trip. I'm going alone this year. I'm heading out Thursday and I'll leave Sunday afternoon. It'll be a nice vacation.
I may have to rage solo Thursday. I hope not but if that's the case, I'm set for that. But I hope it's not the whole trip.
Now I'm not totally concerned about that, but I remember last year, I had Mr. High on Poker as a roommate, and it was nice to have a set crew to hang with, someone to check in with during the whole trip. As pathetic as it sounds, Jordan was my security blanket, and it made me comfortable to meet a bunch of new people without breaking out in hives.
My anal, planning personality already wants to know who's doing what and when, so I know I won't be stuck out there among groups of friends who already know each other.
Stupid. I feel needy, and I've always prided myself on not being needy. I hate needy people. Yet...I'm kinda being needy.
The wild thing is I love being alone. If you'd read this blog for more than two weeks, I've probably made that pretty clear.
As I was writing this yesterday, Andie got up five times in an hour, and the last time I got her, she looked at me and just lay her head on my shoulder.
That's OK, sweetie. I understand. I guess everyone needs some reassurance every once in a while.
P.S. I did book a double bed, so if someone wants to room with me, I may take offers. E-mail me or comment in the story. Although room rates were only $200 for three nights. Pretty nice.