Sunday, June 29, 2008

Booked until besotted

I have demons. Some might laugh at that. Most probably would.
My demons don't have anything to do with gambling - I have yet to touch a table game in Vegas. I rarely drink too much - I was barely buzzed during last December's gathering. And I've never done drugs, except for a bit of pot, and that was years ago and was never, ever even remotely a problem.
No, my demons come from that little person inside that whispers to me whenever I do something like attend a gathering of bloggers.
"You know," the person whispers, "what makes you think you'll fit in?"
I can climb any mountain in Colorado, run a half marathon or ski a black diamond (sometimes, not very well), but going out to see a group of people still scares me.
I'm booked for my December trip. I'm going alone this year. I'm heading out Thursday and I'll leave Sunday afternoon. It'll be a nice vacation.
I may have to rage solo Thursday. I hope not but if that's the case, I'm set for that. But I hope it's not the whole trip.
Now I'm not totally concerned about that, but I remember last year, I had Mr. High on Poker as a roommate, and it was nice to have a set crew to hang with, someone to check in with during the whole trip. As pathetic as it sounds, Jordan was my security blanket, and it made me comfortable to meet a bunch of new people without breaking out in hives.
My anal, planning personality already wants to know who's doing what and when, so I know I won't be stuck out there among groups of friends who already know each other.
Stupid. I feel needy, and I've always prided myself on not being needy. I hate needy people. Yet...I'm kinda being needy.
The wild thing is I love being alone. If you'd read this blog for more than two weeks, I've probably made that pretty clear.
As I was writing this yesterday, Andie got up five times in an hour, and the last time I got her, she looked at me and just lay her head on my shoulder.
That's OK, sweetie. I understand. I guess everyone needs some reassurance every once in a while.

P.S. I did book a double bed, so if someone wants to room with me, I may take offers. E-mail me or comment in the story. Although room rates were only $200 for three nights. Pretty nice.


HighOnPoker said...

I can vouch that Peaker is a fine roommate. He is tidy, a quiet sleeper, and aside from his aversion to cuddling, an all-around good roomie.

StB said...

Not sure what you are worrying about. You had a good time last December, right? Just hope that Steel Panther is playing.

CarmenSinCity said...

Oh no - here's the thing - I bowl with people from work - there are no addicts on the team - they are goddamn engineers. Well, and some of the girls on the administrative staff. They don't even know I'm an addict.

It's really quite amazing. I thought for sure that if I hung out with people from work my life would be drama free. But instead, two of my co-workers are married and hooking up and they are on the bowling team and one of the wives's found out and now he wants to quit the team - shoot me now!

CarmenSinCity said...

I just read your post - the thing is you are so not alone. I swear to god I get nervous at all the blogger gatherings and I live in Vegas and I've been to a ton of them but it's still very nerve wracking.

The bloggers are usually all very welcoming and fun!! You know that cause you've already been here. But anyway, it's okay to be nervous - I bet every single one of us is nervous when it comes down to it.

If you tell me when you are going to arrive, we can meet up and then we can walk in together so we don't have to show up alone :)

Mondogarage said...

So where are you staying? I haven't booked yet, as it's uncertain whether or not the Good Doctor will be joining me.

pokerpeaker said...

I'm at the Imperial Palace, Mondo.

Falstaff said...

I'll be there Thursday with the wife, so you'll have peeps to hang out with whether you find a roommate or not.

Mondogarage said...

Well, I'll totally do the IP this time if the Good Doctor's not coming. But I won't subject her to it if she does...