Tuesday, June 17, 2008

We're not as good as you (Obv)

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that the girls still aren't sleeping through the night, or the looks some smug parents give us when we talk about the twins' sleeping habits.
I don't think there's a more judgmental group of folks than parents. Maybe right-wingers. Maybe other poker players. Maybe bloggers.
Nah.
Kate had tears rolling down her face this morning, and I think it was because of our battle last night with Andie. I know I'm whining here, but sometimes life really isn't fair. We've got twins. It's been a year. A year. I think we deserve a break and some sleeping through the night. If that wasn't enough, it took Jayden a year-and-a-half before he graced us with eight hours of sleep at a time.
I think we've paid our dues.
I know. You're probably raising your eyebrow. It's OK. Others do, too, like one of Kate's friends, who's 10-week-old baby is already sleeping from 9 p.m. to 10 a.m.
"What are you doing wrong?" she asked Kate, or she at the very least ACTED like she asked Kate that when Kate talked about our struggles with Andie, who continues to need a couple feedings a night and screamed for a half hour at 2 a.m. last night.
And i think that's why Kate was crying this morning. She was frustrated, sure, but it's the little, paper-cut looks and comments from her "friends" that just make it that much worse.
Sometimes life is not only fair, it just plain sucks.
It's especially frustrating to me because every run, every race and probably every climb - we'll find out this weekend, when I lead my 14ers group up our first mountain of the season - I battle a crushing fatigue, like I've got a tire tied to my ass. When I have slept well one or two times this month, the fatigue is gone and I run really well. So all I need is sleep, and I'm still not getting it.
Last week we took a break for the weekend for Kate's birthday. We went out to dinner, saw Indiana Jones (which sucked) and stayed in a swanky hotel in downtown Denver. Alone. Without the kids.
It was wonderful even if Kate's younger brother said, "Oh, dumping the kids off at Mom's and Dad's, eh?" I'm glad he didn't say that to me. Let's just say it would have made Thanksgivings uncomfortable.
Yes, it was wonderful, and yet sometimes weekends like that just make it that much harder to go back to the grind. In a way, a nice, relaxing time out just makes you miss them that much more.
Yes, we've talked to our doctor, and his answer was if they're going back to sleep after they eat - and usually they do - then they probably need the extra feedings.
So we don't know what to do other than let our kids cry it out, and after a half hour of it last night, my heart cracked and I went to get Andie, who was hysterical and sniffing and needed me to hold her before she fell asleep.
I guess I suck as a parent too.
Sorry if this seems angry. Sometimes I'm glad for a blog. I can vent to it (and you all) and maybe, possibly, feel better.
Soon.

8 comments:

Kris said...

I am so sorry! It sucks to be lacking sleep- especially for such a long time! And yes- judgemental parents are THE WORST!!!

I hope things get better soon! I'll be thinking lots of happy, restful thoughts for all of you.

MorningThunder said...

Hang in there man. I can not even imagine. You are definitely not alone. My neighbors have a 2 1/2 year old that still does not sleep through the night. They make her hot chocolate every night around 2 a.m., give it to her and stumble back to bed. Some kids are just stubborn and no amount of "crying it out" will change that. But what do I know, I have been lucky in this department.

MT

mookie99 said...

Bunch of BS to ask someone what they're doing wrong.

We've had the same routine with each of our kids and it took one of them well over a year to sleep through the night while it took another just 6 or 7 weeks.

loona said...

Whiskey's the answer. If it doesn't work on the kiddies, then you can drink it.

: )

Okay, just kidding of course. Well, maybe...This is why Aunt Mary is never asked to baby sit for friends and family...

I too hope things get better soon!

-m

Love_elf said...

Hey Peaker!
My sister's baby Jaiden took about a year before he started sleeping through the night, and still has nights (at 18 months) when he wakes up.

A friend of mine with twins said that if one twin woke up at night, they would wake the other one for feeding too. That way, at least they are on the same schedule.

Not sure if this helps, but I hope things get easier for you and Kate soon. You need a break.

Stacie said...

Sorry. The lack of sleep thing is so rough.

And, though you don't want to hear this, James is STILL not sleeping through the night. Fiona, on the other hand, just started to do it. I can assure you we didn't do anything different with her. Last night he cried for TWO FREAKING HOURS while Brian was in there with him patting him and soothing him and trying to get him to go back to sleep without nursing. No luck. How do you night wean a kid who can scream for TWO HOURS while getting loved on if he wants to nurse?

All of which is to say, you have my very sincere sympathy.

heather said...

Totally feel your pain! My first set of twins were 20/21 months when they finally started sleeping through the night.

Riggstad said...

Sleep is overrated!! And you are doing nothing wrong, you wife is doing nothing wrong, and your kids aren't certainly doing anything wrong.

I have 4 and every single one was different. The oldest cried for three months straight, never going more than 2 hours, then, boom. Sleeping for 12 hours straight.

The next one took nothing at all to get her to sleep.

The 4 year old took 2 years before she could sleep the night through without waking and blowing up for at least an hour. We set our clocks by it.

The Boy (who just turned 2) seems to be finally settling into his nightly routine. Before 3 months ago it was up at 2am and a bottle. Or screams til it happened.

How did I deal? I looked at the fact that in as little as 2 years, I won't have these times to hold them anymore. Something we'll never get back. So I took the screaming and the jamming up as an alarm clock to me to realize that in a few short years (they seem like days now), I wouldn't have that priviledge.

And tell your so called friends to suck it when they ask what you or your wife are doing wrong. Call them on their bullshit behavior.

Ask them how much they have to hate their own lives to be so goddamn stupid and presumptious.

fucking nits. Suck it dopes

Actually, that might be a little harsh. Just giggle and be dismissive. They'll get it, and their low selfesteem will have them on tilt for days.

I hate that about parents. Most feel they do such a horrid job themselves that they feel they must judge everyone else. Damn it makes me rant. Sorry bro...

It will all be better soon enough.