TGIF now has different meaning for Daddy

Here's a column I wrote for the Greeley Tribune, my newspaper. See the link to the right. I occasionally write personal columns for the paper. This ran Tuesday.



Jayden, my 2-year-old toddler, was getting far too good at telling me goodbye.

"Bye, Daddy," Jayden would say, giving me a hug while grinning through his white teeth.

I wasn't surprised by it, given that I went to work every day and spent a couple weekends away guiding peaks while Kate, a teacher, stayed home all summer. I'll never win a popularity contest with Mom, and I'm OK with that. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me just a little.

And I began to wonder if it wasn't just the fact that I was gone far more often than Kate.

I wondered if Jayden was adjusting to the twins a little too well.

Adding twin girls to the mix, as you might guess, added a bit of frazzle to our lives. Actually frazzle WAS our lives since they were born three months ago.

Of course, a lot of things had to go. Mostly that meant cutting time climbing mountains, watching movies or, of course, sleeping. Those things hurt. But the thing that was truly heartbreaking was it also meant cutting time with Jayden.

We've been lucky. Rather than dealing with this new reality by, say, pulling the girls' hair at every opportunity, he hugs them and whispers "hi baby." He doesn't know his own strength, so he mauls them or dogpiles them a little too hard occasionally, but I'd much rather have that out of love than jealousy.

Still, I knew the solution to the easy goodbyes, and that's why I really looked forward to Aug. 10, when Kate would go back to Northridge, the girls would go to day care and Jayden would stay home with me.

It would be our first Friday together since the twins were born, and we needed a break from all the females in the house.

All last year, Fridays were the glue that kept us together. I had the day off each week, so Friday I got up a little earlier than I would have liked and started my day with Clifford, a big red dog, on PBS. There were even times when Kate came home at the end of her day and I would, say, go get a haircut and the goodbyes weren't so easy. Jayden would get upset, like I was Mom or something. I relished those times.

The first Friday that Aug. 10 started off rough, as I knew it would. Kate left, and Jayden screamed and cried and pounded on the kitchen door to our garage. But he quickly settled down, and soon after, the arrogant side of me started to believe that he was smiling and running around because he was excited about the fact that the good ol' days with Daddy seemed to have returned. When I suggested we go swimming at the Fun Plex, he screamed with joy louder than normal, something I'm supposed to discourage, but this time I let it go. I even smiled. It had, after all, been a while since we had the chance to hit the pool.

Jayden now can go down the small slide by himself. He can operate the water toys by himself. He continually tried to pull my hands off him as we floated around the lazy river (not a good plan, as he can't swim yet).

When we got back, I fed him a snack and snuck a quick look at my computer in the next room, another luxury I didn't have last year, when he either would have washed his hair with the food or wallpapered the kitchen with it. Now he sits there and eats. Nice.

Just before I got him down for a nap, he sat on my lap and I read him a book, "What Daddy Loves." My favorite part is when the book talks about Daddy loving to go on hikes.

Before you think this is too much like an episode of "The Waltons," I was glad to put him down for the nap. I was tired and looked forward to the chance to watch a movie that had been in my Netflix queue for months. When he got up, I put him back down for another 20 minutes because he was crankier than I liked. And when Kate finally did get home, I was a little relieved because I was running out of things to do.

Still, thinking about the day made me realize how much he had changed. And how much I was missing. This summer I was so focused on surviving the twins through the first three months that I forgot to enjoy the little things.

Parents never miss the milestones, the first words, the first steps and the last diaper (you'll know when it happens to me because you'll hear a loud cheer), but it's the small steps I described above that make parenting so much fun on the way, ultimately, to graduation and the wedding.

You only get those small steps, though, by spending enough time, preferably one-on-one, with your children to recognize and enjoy those changes.

Time will go on, but I hope my time with Jayden stays a tradition, even when the twins deserve their time with me, too.

Daddy loves going on hikes, after all, and maybe one day, on a Friday, Jayden will join me, when we take a well-deserved break from all the females in the house.




Dan England covers the outdoors and entertainment and acts as the Sunday city desk editor for The Tribune. He is married and has a son and twin girls. His column runs on Tuesday. If you have an idea for a column, call 392-4418 or write dengland@greeleytribune.com.