Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Is there any hope?

I was asking Kate who's side she was on. 
"You have to pick a side," I said.
OK, I'll admit it. I was trying to get her fired up, and lately, nothing got her quite as fired up as "Jon and Kate Plus 8." Nothing insignificant anyway. I have this thing about arguing. I kinda like it. It's a sport to me. But I try to choose things like "Jon and Kate" to argue about with Kate because that way, if it ever gets too heated, we can pause and remind ourselves that we're arguing about something completely stupid, like whether "The Notebook" is a good movie (Kate's view) or a crap-fest (my view).
Kate just looked at me and said, "I think it's kinda sad."
I don't really get into celebrity gossip. I am a serious journalist, people, and so I don't really care about who Megan Fox is dating, lucky bastard that he is. But I found myself scouring the Web searching for any news on Jon or Kate as soon as the news broke about his affair. This was, after all, kind of personal.
Kate and I started watching the show for reasons other than, "OMGtheyhave8kidshowdotheydoitIwannasee!" We watched it for therapy.
It was more than a reminder that things could be worse, though, at that time, we were both carrying around a baby at all hours, so that was part of it. It was a way to deal with our situation as well. Some of things Kate said really resounded with us. When she talked about the two snapping at each other, she said the situation they faced was so stressful that sometimes it was your partner's job to be a sounding board. Kate eventually took that way too far, of course, one reason it's hard for me to blame Jon for straying if in fact he did, but that stuck with us and made us understand each other's bad moments.
The show was a blueprint, in a way, on how to survive multiples. And I know that sounds harsh, but I'm sorry, those first couple of years of raising twins or triplets or a litter can really damage your relationship if you let it. As stupid as it sounds now, "Jon and Kate" was part of the solution to prevent that.
Now? Well, now I have to admit it makes me wonder, though it seems to me that the two are splitting up for celebrity and entertainment reasons. It strikes me that their kids don't seem to be listed as a reason any longer. They're stars now, and stars break up. Kate's pretty wrapped up in the  spotlight and Jon would rather shun it so he can focus on 23-year-olds.
I hope they remember to be parents. I wish they would just stop the show. I'm no longer watching it. I don't want to see snippy comments, evil looks and frightened children. 
That's the thing here. Now what's left is a bunch of scared and worried kids who won't get to see their parents together any longer. 
Kate's right. It's kinda sad.


SirFWALGMan said...

Even 1 kid can be hard on a relationship in those early years.

I have to go with Kate on this one. Even if she is a prick. John only has 2 choices - Stay with her and be faithful, or leave. Screwing around with 23yr olds while married is NOT an option.

jjok said...

and he still denies it......

I can't stomach that show but she is painful to watch in action.

There's a reason parents of multiples split up more often and it's the stress, obviously. Have to take balance in life with your spouse. It's hard to do though

The Wife said...

I used to watch it. Had sympathy with the kind of stress having kids (one or many) puts on a marriage. Interesting to see when, pre-celebrity, it was just raw, honest "how the hell are we going to do this".

Now that he's all brow-beaten, and she'll all surgeried and beautified (as opposed to the rest of us that have had to let nature or our own hard work restore the body to whatever semblance of our previous selves we can get to post-baby) and seems to need to beat him verbally to get ratings, its just painful.

But not more painful than the aftermath will be for the kids, I expect. Poor things.

Gwen said...

My husband and I watched J&Kplus8 for therapy. We have two year old twin girls, too, and I felt the same way. Watching them survive made me feel better. And I had far more sympathy for Kate's less than polite tone with Jon than a lot of people, because I understood at least a fraction of their stress. It makes me sad, that they didn't make it. And I agree with the previous poster, regardless of Kate's failings (who doesn't fail so often at treating our spouses the way we know we should?), Jon took an absolutely unacceptable route to deal with it. Divorce, maybe. Although, honestly, as a child of divorce, I have serious problems with parents splitting up because they don't like the way the other one talks to them, or they're having trouble getting along. Therapy might have helped. Some time away from the kids. Stopping the show. Sleeping with a 23 year old loses Jon most of the sympathy I had for him.
Overall, though, I'm just sad. And it makes me stomach hurt, seeing them.